I am going to answer this one as an adoptee as it is something I have thought about alot. In my situation, in the times and moral attitudes that I was born into, I was "better off". My birth mother did not have any support whats so ever to keep me, no fininacial support, no emotional support, no educational support, nothing. If she brought me home she would have had no place to live as my bgrandmother would not allow me in the house. She also had some issues of her own(for the time anyway...in todays world they would have seemed like nothing). I was heard 3rd pregnacy, she was 23. She had her first at 16, her second sometime in between my older brother and me. She got married at 16(because she "had "to), divorced him, that son went to live with his father. She "had" to get married a second time and that baby died at 6mo. That marriage ended up in divorce. then dated my bfather, became pregnat with me. As the story goes, they were suppose to get married, went as far as the blood test(that i know to be true because salvation army sent me records and the hinton??? test was included.) Don't know what happended after that in terms of their relationship as she never talked about it. All I know that when I was born daddypops was gone, she had me in the salvatioin army hospital. she had no skills, worked in a factory, had some health problems. I also beleive that she emotionally was a mess because of what she had gone trough in a relativly short, crucial period of time. Some may judge her and say she did it to herself, and yes that is true...but she worked with whatever coping mechanisms she had...which were not many. Her parents were divorced(GASP!!!don't forget this was 50 years ago) and as much as her mother tried she had her own issues to deal with. Her stepfather tried...but again not easy given the times. So as much as she would have wanted to keep me(and she did) she just didn't have the ability to parent me in the manner that I needed. She had me in foster care for 2 years in the hopes of getting me back, when she fineally got married agin when I was 7 I was already adopted by my parents(THANK GOD).
So yes, I was "better off". Even as I say and understand all of that, it doesn't tkae awya the fact that it was sad that it happeded the way it did, it was sad that I was not able to be brought up by biological family, it was sad for me and for her also. Adoption can be a very sad thing for the mother and child, but in the long run I an glad I was adopted by the paretns I was adopted by. They were not perfect by any means, and most childrren turned adults figure that out after a while and are ok with it. The understanding is a whole lot more acute when said child has their own children who see their parents as not being perfect anymore
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Anyway, the whole"being better off", I think sometimes gets taken in the general public as being personal. Its not that the birthmother was less better, or the adoptive mother being better, as in moral judgements of the peole invovled. Its not necessarily that one PERSON is a better PERSON, its more sbout...IMO..the situations being better for the child. I think thats what people get hurt and upset over when they here the child was "better off". Its like saying one person is bad and the other angelic..none of that is true. The situation, at that time was not good....not the mothers invovled.
Did I make any sense at all?
