LA – What a great post!
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One thing that has been "bothering" me lately is that I totally have learned so much from this whole site, etc. and yet sometimes I think it "skews" my own feelings about the adoption of DD.
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Sometimes I have to remind myself what I read here is a collection of individual experiences. It’s not one person. I have a tendency to roll it all up into one big ball when it really is a collection of several smaller things and sometimes they are said in a very emotional moment. It does get overwhelming at times for me or I think I “should” be feeling that way but the truth is I don’t. I’m probably not explaining that well but I have to remind myself at times to separate it out.
As far as better off…
It is subjective because what we see today as “better off” for the child may not be true in the long run. Our childhood experiences shape the adults we become.
Jessie Jackson was born to a 16 yo girl who had had an affair with a married man. I am willing to bet most people would have said he would have been “better off” had he been placed for adoption in a two parent, financially stable home. Had that happened tho, would he have become the Civil Rights leader he is today?
I think of children who come from third world countries who have no medical care, running water, or education. They seem “better off” being adopted but who’s to say? Had they been raised in that environment they may have become the next “Mother Theresa”.
DD's bparents made the best decision they could and that all it was. It's impossible to measure what could have been. For all we know DD will become the next "Mother Theresa" because of the experiences she has with you. KWIM?
That said, I can say with 100% certainty that you and your DH are better off because you adopted DD and DD’s bparents are better off for knowing and having you in their life. There is no shame in that at all… Nor should there ever be any guilt.
Again - Great post!
**ETA: BTW: Jessie was eventually adopted by his step father who raised him. His bdad never played a part of his life so that shaped his experience as well...
