[lovemy2boys]

I've been thinking about this too lately. My feeling of this is that children aren't necessarily "better off" with adoptive parents. I think it is dependant on the situation.

The other day, we were visiting AJ's firstmom...and although we have an OA, most of the time it is tenuous at best. But we are both TOTALLY commmitted to building on our relationship, even when it seems like roadblocks are put up everywhere.

So the other day, she tells me that she will always feel that AJ has a much better life with my DH and I as opposed to if she would have parented him. And I said "No, his life isn't necessarily better, it's different". She disagreed - she said "Believe me - his life is better because he has/had a calmer, stable, loving home"...because she had to go through ALOT of growing in order to get to where she is now - and she truly doesn't think she could have done so if she would have parented...and because I'm aware of what she's been through, I can see why she feels this way (BUT I AM NOT SAYING THIS TO FEEL OR BE SUPERIOR...I'm saying this because she's really had a difficult life and has gone through some MAJOR things that would be difficult for any child to go through unscathed - SHE'S come through this pretty damaged, and I can't imagine a child coming through any better).

Now, if I would have this same conversation with JD's firstmom she would definately say that his life is not better, but different. And I can see why SHE feels this wway. But she has always had a great support system in her life - and she has the stability that AJ's firstmom never really had.

So for our family, it's not that WE are the "better" parents...it's about what we have all gone through or are going through that brings us all to feel one way or another...I hope I'm making sense.

And as far as thinking that I was "meant to be" my boys mom, I truly do feel that. I can't imagine having any other children as my children...but when I say that, I don't mean that they weren't "meant to be" with their firstparent. I don't mean that I think their other moms got pregnant and HAD to make an adoption plan because I was meant to be their mom...but I do think that when they made their adoption plan and were going through the many profiles and trying to find a family for their children, God had a hand in bringing us all together.