Ooooh, that's a hard question Love. (I hope you don't mind me chiming in as a firstmom or anything). I think it's so hard not to take this question personally sometimes. My gut reaction is to put it right back to me and say "NO! DD doesn't have a better life, she has a different life." In my situation I believe that to be true. Is it? I suppose that depends on how you measure "better." I think DD would certainly be as smart if I parented her. I think she would be as advanced developmentally. I KNOW she would be as loved. I KNOW she would be well taken care of. I KNOW she would not want for anything. I'll never know all of this for sure of course, but I think I would have been an awesome Mom to her. I also know that we wouldn't have the money that her Mom does, that she wouldn't be in the amazing day care that she's currently in, but I don't think that's the most important way to measure her "better"-ness or not.
So that's US. Not you.
With you, I don't want you to feel adoption guilt. I think you're a great Mom, I know that you have wonderful standards and expectations and have committed yourself to understanding adoption from all sides, not just the one that you live.
I think when you're talking about your specific situation you have your feelings and can embrace them. The danger becomes (and this isn't you I'm talking about, just in general) when personal experience is translated into generalizations. IE a thread of "Let's all celebrate how much better all of our kids lives are now that we're their parents." I'm not going to lie, that thread would make me nauseous. You politely questioning where you are today doesn't bother me (again - possibly because I "know" you).
There was just one thing that got me in Startedover's post:
Quote:
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Placing a child for adoption doesn't mean those people are not good parents, they just wouldn't be at that particular time.
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This sort of generalization makes me uncomfortable. I would have made a good parent at the time I placed. That wasn't the issue. I think we get into dangerous territory when assuming the "why's" behind any placement.