Quote:
|
Originally Posted by HthrRenee
With the great distance between the states, visitation would be next to impossible.
|
But it can work! Our niece was in foster care for 11 mos with the previous FP's in Idaho...we are in Florida. We have trip to visit them coming up this Saturday! They were part of her life and we can't change that. They took great care of her, loved her as their own, and then had a hard time letting her go. For that I understand and I thank them all the time for loving her like they do. For this, my husband and I both feel, that contact for them would be good for our niece. She knows it's just to visit but it's something we wish to continue as long as they can be positive about our adoption and her move to our home. I have always wanted the best for our niece. It has been a long road but you can have contact even over many states...calling and writing and visiting. We may not be able to go every year but we have invited them to visit us here also. So as long as you can put aside your emotions (this was hard for them in the beginning and we had to cut off contact for about 6 months) for the kids sakes and make the transition and relationship positive then I don't see why you can't have a relationship even though it may be far away...we have done it
Another thought...my husband has family that skirts the law and his mom and dad did drugs while he was growing up (Mom would sell stuff to get drug money and leave him to tend to his younger brother and sister). His 1/2 brother has 3 DUI's and his sister is living near poverty with 2 kids. His other 1/2 sister (our soon to be daughters mom) was in jail for 16 mos for drug possession. My husband, at the age of 17, decided he did not want to live like his parents and joined the Navy....that changed his life! He made that important decision to not be like the others in his family. When he wrote his bio for the home study he felt bad because of all the negatives in his past and felt like people would judge him for that. I told him he was the survivor and he has succeeded! He has a great job and stability and never once did drugs and he doesn't even drink! How can they look down at that! So just because his family is dysfunctional didn't mean his life is too. It's the choices you make in life that can really turn it around!
As for our niece we tell her "Your mom made the wrong choices to put her where she is now. She is unable to parent you and keep you safe so we are there to take over that job. She loves you very much!" We leave it at that and it seems to make sense to her.