[mommy2fiveplus]

YOU can always have contact via letters/pics/updates and such, your son has no need to know and you will know if they are wanted if they are not returned.

As a foster parent I am always happy to get updates on my previous kids esppesially if they are doing well, it makes me feel like the time that I had them was beneficial and that they are able to cope with life and succed in part because I was there for them when they needed it. In the foster care system, the foster parents sometimes get very little reward for the awesome amount of time/energy and mostly HEART that we pour into each child, those updates are the best present we can ever recieve.

While it sounds like they were less than ideal foster parents, if they were worth a grain of salt they will love to get an update.

I am really glad that he ended up with family because people minimize the huge impact that biologic culture can play in a child's life. I am in a unique position that I can sympathize with you (adopted my 2nd cousin) and I identify with other foster families (I am a foster parent that has given her much loved foster kids over to families, good and bad).

My oldest adopted son (the previous 2nd cousin) was given to me 3 mos prior to our being licensed as foster parents because the current foster family "felt he was getting to attached" to them after having him for 1 mos (he was 12 mos/old). They never transitioned him or anything, the social worker just showed one day and said we could take him (they called it relative care until the licensed finished) or they would take him to another home. This was just an example of a foster family trying to protect its heart and losing site of the best interest of the child. It isn't pretty but it happens, some times everybody just needs time to recognize the error of thier ways, those foster parents are probably kicking themselves now because thier actions have cut them off entirely from a child that they LOVED for an entire year.

Congratulations on your son's adoption and I pray you can put aside your negative feelings and just enjoy being a mom again, and remember their is a mom out thier that has lost her son and is probably grieving right now.