[kakuehl]

As I read both your posts, Jackie and Janey, I'm reminded of what I learned while in seminary. (They like to turn you inside out and get you to deal with yourelf before they set you loose on other people, lol.) All of us need to grieve the parents we didn't have. I truly believe there is no such thing as a truly functional family. No one parents perfectly and we need to grieve the lack of the parent we needed. Think about it: we deny to ourselves that our parents were ever wrong (it was us, we were "bad", etc.); we feel great anger at our parents and blame them for who we are and what we do... If we are healthy, we work through that grief to the point where we accept our parents for who they are and who they aren't... and we accept ourselves for who we are.. and who we aren't. Unfortunately, as often happens with "grief work." We don't neatly finish with one stage and move to the next. We move back and forth; stress can send us backward... just when we think we've reached acceptance, something new appears. Just as anniversaries of a deceased loved one (birthdays, anniversaries, date of death/funeral, holidays special to that loved one) can send us into a depression, special dates having to do with our relinquished children can and will effect us.