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Originally Posted by hkolln
We are leaving on June 7th to fly to Idaho to visit the previous foster family for 4 days and then we're going to visit relatives. We know our niece needs to know it's ok to love multiple people and we want the previous foster family to be in her life as much as we can. It's hard since we're in FL and they are in ID but we will try our best.
I can still remember sitting in our nieces therapists office in Idaho along with the FM and the FM started crying saying "We love her" and me not knowing what to say to her. Only thing I could think of was "Thank you for taking such great care of our niece. We know you love her and we know she loves you." And from then on we promised we wouldn't cut them out of our niece's life. It was hard in the beginning for them to let go but I understood.
I just hope they realize we are not the mean, spiteful relatives that came out of the woodwork. I know it probably does look that way sometimes.
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I so wish I could do what you are doing--be in touch. They were so attached to this child. He plays football now and the foster dad spent hours throwing the football with him. Our little guy is a star, and I'd love to share that with them. But every time there was contact, they pushed us and our ason emotionally--I feel part of our "puzzle" is missing as there wasn't the loving transition to us there should have been. I wanted to welcome them as an aunt and uncle to our ason, I think of them almost daily and wish I could share with them that he has a dog now and learned to surf--he was baptized and is a Cub Scout.
I daydream about sending them an Xmas card and a letter, perhaps a picture. But if I open contact again--what would that do to my ason? He has accepted they were temporary and now are no longer part of his life. His feelings and needs have to come first.
thank you for letting me know I am not alone with this--we had such similar situations--big changes need to happen with the ICPC, that's for sure.
It truly isn't fair to have the foster family put their hearts on the line over and over--
BTW--the fparent's supervisor told me they decided never to foster again--they only wanted a child they could adopt. It was too hard emotionally when they had to give up this child.