Quote:
|
Originally Posted by dreamangel
RobinKay, it is so good to hear your son is with you and I wish you the best and your family the best!
My husband and I have severe fertility issues and my husband was born with cystic fibrosis. This is something we have no control over. Does this mean we should never be parents....absoutely not, it just means we need to take a different route and if adopting a child is what we need to do then so be it. I will never apologize for having the love and desire to be a parent, never. This is why I am in it. I am being honest when I say that. Not all of us are bad and all we are guilty of is falling in love with these kids that we are protecting and hoping that someday if it is to be, we can adopt and finally be the family we were meant to be.
This foster family, in their defense, loved this child. Regardless of how they may have treated you, they loved him no matter what and as far as they knew there were no relatives willing to take him. Then to find out that there is a family member is the most horrible day of a foster parents life. Even though the most of us know it is for the best, and we will comply, doesn't make it easier to give this child up. This was probably the way this family could deal with loosing him.
While the system is for the birthfamily and so on, I think everyone needs to look at the hearts of foster-adopt families and cut um some slack.
|
thank you so much for responding--I sincerely hope your plan to become parents comes true.
I agree foster parents love children, I am so glad they are there for children who have no options from birth family.
In this case--no,
these folks do not deserve slack. He was placed with them in August, we came forward in October after fussing with birth mother and my mother-in-law, trying to get them "on board" with us. These folks knew about us--and chose to ignore us. We visited with our ason in December and gave numerous pictures of us and the family. He had a "memory board" and our pictures were deliberately excluded. The therapist had a session with our ason in their home in January--our ason stated in front of the foster mother that he knew us and remembered us. We sent gifts, and received one letter back that the therapist helped him write. He did not receive the support he needed except from the therapist and sw. When we picked him up with his luggage, he RAN out of that house, worried we would leave without him. He wanted to come home someway, somehow.
These folks stated to us that they had no intention of adopting until our little guy came along. He was handsome, smart, athletic--no big issues emotionally, no medical issues--a perfect child to adopt. They proceeded to cut out as much of his birth family as possible (no visits with sister on their part) and punished him for acting out in response to visits with bmom--by the way, they decided to stop participating in his therapy as "they did not have time for that" and told therapist they would not transport him for visits as they were required to do.
BTW--they had another long-term foster child, offered to adopt and that child said no, I want to go home to family. That child was with them for about 5 years, I believe. That told me something about them--
There are many, many wonderful foster parents who are lifesavers for children. My concern is these folks and others like them who treat the foster care system like a "try before you buy" program. Get a kid, see if it's a good match, and then fight reunification in every subtle and overt way they can.
I am learning and accepting not everyone is like this-and I bless you and your husband for your open hearts and minds and for educating me. I also thank you for your tolerance with my angry thoughts--you are helping me as well as the future children that will come to you. God bless you both.