My oldest bio son, now 20, has ODD. It can be a real challenge even now.
I set rules and limits, was very consistent with the consequences for not obeying the rules and then tried to help him think doing things I wanted him to do were his idea. I also read The Explosive Child[ which I want to say is by Ross Green, maybe? It was a long time ago. But, the basic idea is that some things are worth fighting with him about--safety, meds, no violence--and some things aren't--homework (that one eventually took care of itself
), socks in the hamper, etc.
These kids can be so frustrating.
Now what's really interesting is that we now have Bubba who potentially has all of the same diagnoses as N. We're moving toward adoption. Daddy was talking with N last night about adopting and told N that he wasn't sure he could go through all of the same stuff with Bubba that we went through with him. N has ODD, bi-polar, ADHD. N thought about it a minute and said, "Well, I'll tell ya. If y'all had medicated me sooner, you probably wouldn't have had as much to go through. It'll be okay."
My crazy little boy is now a grown man. He's a diesel mechanic who at 20 makes nearly as much as I do after 9 years of teaching. His ODD still gets in his way--he's been fired from 3 jobs for digging in his heels and being stupid. But, he's found out that taking his meds helps, so maybe he'll keep this one. By the way, every time he's been fired, his next job pays him more.....................
I'm still trying to figure that one out.