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Someone who has RAD despises every bit that has to do with any real connection (holidays, home, family)
Some with attachment disorders (don't want to be/feel attached) can learn over time (like my dd) to want to trust and work on it.....but seeing someone exhibit attachment issues and LIVING WITH someone with the same issues are 2 very different things.
You really can never learn enough...and if you're someone who can allow others to try to patronize/manipulate and decieve you and you're still ok then you shouldn't worry too much...
But if you're someone who values being appreciated or having your needs fulfilled and your work and love have an affect then be very wary.
Attachment issues exist in ALL OLDER ADOPTED CHILDREN period. It's how long they last and how quickly they learn to trust again that varies.
Not feeling attachment is not the same as AVOIDING attachment. Someone who sees you as a trustworthy stranger could conceivably want to work on attaching....but someone who sees intimacy as a direct threat to their well being will avoid it at nearly any cost.
Ask whats been done to address grief counseling and trauma counseling. Find out if the child wants 2 families (they'll never have just one)
My dd was so hurt by the slight neglect of her bmom, that instinctively she expects the same from me....which makes it hard to trust me when she doesn't stop and think about it....and if she doesn't trust me then I don't matter to her and she protects her felings that way..But she does recognize it as a problem and is actively stopping herself and making an attempt to see me for who I am.....but for 2 years it wasn't that way.
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