[stella1]

Hi,
Referral's and holding is not allowed but that being said if you want a girl and an infant you want to go when there are some available. I had a "referral" of sorts and it worked out great. But we always knew that we could get there and someone else could have already adopted her. That being said we wanted a girl and under 12 months so our "best odds" was the referral way. But again no guarantees. I would talk to both agencies about it. I have know people who traveled blind but then again were not sent over until they knew they had a couple of children that matched the criteria. Though as I write this I'm not sure if they let you pick the sex of the child. When we did our adoption we were able to say Female, Under 12 months, Healthy and if you wanted Asian or European. (We did not care if Asian or European so we did not put that down but I know they do not let you pick that any longer. It used to be a really long wait if you said European over Asian.)
People can judge all they want, but you should just research it all and do what is best for your family. The biggest issue is picking a good agency really.
Good luck to you.