[reapingjoy]

Hi everyone,

I thought maybe this would be the best place to post this question since it is in regards to special needs.

Our daughter M was placed with us for adoption almost 3 months ago & at her presentation we were told she was completely healthy, no developmental issues, no therapy needed, etc. They even "warned" us not to ask for very much in subsidy because she would not be needing any extra medical care or anything.

Sadly, this is so far from the truth it's sometimes hard for me to believe. We had filled out our Child Characteristic Checklist with the special needs we felt we could handle (because one of our other children has special needs, too) & now we have to update our homestudy as it expires in a couple of weeks & we are filling out the form again...well, we have had to change numerous answers from No to Yes because our new daughter actually has these conditions or the potential for it (some stuff we won't know until after her specialist appt. at the end of May). We can't finalize the adoption until Sept. so she is technically here as a pre-adoptive placement, but we did sign papers before she came saying we saw this as permanent (of course, at that point, we were only dealing with transition issues & not any of the medical/psychological/cognitive stuff yet).

Has anyone had to disrupt a placement because of special needs that were not disclosed, or even SN that were disclosed that turned out to be too much to handle? And if you did disrupt, was that the end of your ability to adopt?

I don't expect my kids to come with no issues, but there were reasons that we said no to certain conditions because of our family size, jobs, the SN of our son, etc. I am feeling very overwhelmed right now with her care & many appts. and I know that is also hurting our bonding/attachment, but I am seeing signs of stuff that I think are only going to get worse with time & not better.