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I agree with Hadley. There maybe reasons that the family member didn't/couldn't come forward to permanantly take the child sooner. We are foster parents and recently ran into a scenario in our own family where a cousin's baby was placed in foster care. We tried to step up and take in the baby into our home ... long story short, we have now been told "nope can't have him" and he remains with a foster family b/c they want mom to work a specific plan. So, what happens in another 18 months when they decide that mom's plan isn't working... well, we just have to wait and see. Sometimes family really wants to to the right thing but are not allowed (by social workers, other family dynamics, etc). So, if I were you I would try to talk to the grandparents and see how they really feel. Maybe they will be willing to let you raise the child if you allow some contact (letters, photos,etc). I know in the case of our family member that if in 18 months the plan for RU falls apart and the foster family of the baby said "hey, we love him, please let him stay with us" although we are his family there would be a very very high likelihood we would just back out and give the foster family our blessing.
Maybe to rest easy at night they have to at least say "they tried" to "get" the little girl - even if they know in their hearts that it isn't the best placement for her.
I think if the plan is really TPR that you should ask the SWs if you could talk to the family. I agree that children should most often stay with the people who they have developed a bond with -since to me that is what it really means to be a family (not just shared DNA) but for now, until you have all the information, I would try to go into it and not make the grandmother out to be a bad guy yet. Approach her with respect and kindness and maybe she won't move to have the child placed with her.
just my 2 cents.
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