Hello everybody,
I initially posted about my situation
here. Dickons, thankyou for your interest in more information. I've been planning to come back and update you all.
My asis wrote a lovely letter to me which I was thrilled to get. She enclosed a phone number, so the same evening I called her. It was....moving and strange; not like speaking to a sister....but much, MUCH more than speaking to a stranger. I feel that I succeeded in giving her truthful information about our family (in which there has been a lot of substance abuse/child abuse) without inappropriate disclosure. I would never want to "poison the well" between her and my mother. Yet, while choosing my words carefully, I sort of realized I didn't have the right to protect her - this is her journey of truth. She seems to me to have very damaged self-esteem but I don't want to engage in dimestore psychology.
What was particularly touching for me was that she seemed unable to believe affirming statements I made, or that she was truly welcomed so much. She expressed that she knew it was hard for me too, and thanked me for my "generosity." I told her that I didn't feel I was being particularly generous; I actually WANT to know her and finding out about her was to me sort of a lottery win. She couldn't believe it. There was a sharp intake of breath, and she said, "really?" I could hear her turning that over in her mind. Pardon my French, but from what she said I think she has had the **** scared out of her by some of the literature.
Another thing that was weird, funny and moving was the bet-hedging we were both doing. We could both hear eachother tiptoeing around what to say.
I feel more settled because she is now a more known quantity; I'm no longer scared she doesn't want anything to do with me. I guess, while I'll play an active role in moving things where appropriate, I don't feel such an urgency to rush and do this that and the other; events will unfold as they will.
She was so hungry and thirsty for knowledge, which I can understand. She was completely fascinated by details I gave her. She said "I can't believe I'm speaking to somebody related by blood" and that made me think of how much I take for granted.
We are meeting in July, and I want to make her a family tree binder with her in it.
I am a bit apprehensive as to how things will play out; part of me thinks if it doesn't work, it doesn't. But another part thinks, "That's your flesh and blood. You must do your level best to ensure it works."
I sent her a greeting card thanking her for our talk with a Bastard Nation pendant in it (I bought us both one in her honour). I'd been going to write that I'd call her in a few days but decided instead to invite her to call me when the urge hits. I don't want to seem pushy.
Can anybody relate? I thank you this wonderful community for the insights you've given me thus far.
Louise x