[Jackiejdajda]

Janeytwo

What you wrote about locking ourselves away....about a year ago my husband starting asking me why I was finding excuses to stay indoors....why I was pulling the shades down and keeping the house dark...keeping the sun out.

Once (in my shut in the house time) I walked past an old friend and her husband.. I pretended I did not know them..
I could not enter into a conversation with those two people..

I was unable..

I had pretended for such a long time I could not pretend any more..
I could not put on a happy face..
And I did not like people..

I went on the computer.. on CompuServe.. and I learned how to type..
I used to quote from my books and learn how to type from them.. and I met people that helped me..
And…. big big..
I got on a plane and flew to Florida to meet my on line friends..
I was in charge of the Adult Children of Alcoholic forum.. and I loved sorting the ACA stuff.. I would quote John Bradshaw my hero.. over and over again..
But these on line friends got me out of the house.. Got me connecting real time with people..
I even did some paintings again and I sent them to one of the persons that helped me the most.. I smile now when I think of it..

Then I went to real time meetings.. Alanon.. and others..
And therapy with different therapists..

I think of these therapists as guides.. people that tell us the right path to follow.. and to help change our shut down thinking..
The therapist that helped me the most was a woman that said to me..
“Well if you said it it must be so.”

Ha..
What is that about..

This journey is so hard isn't it?

It is.. but I believe we need to sort the traumas of our past.. and you and I got some real hard traumas..
You on that bus will be in my thoughts..

I used to do a lot of inner child work.. and I can remember the first time my inner child came out..
She came out in MacDonald’s.. Wanted a hamburger.. LOL

I will post a painting I did of my inner child in my profile.. there is a picture there of me and hubby when I met bson.. I did not post the part of the picture of him in it because I do not have his permission.. and a picture of me in the sixties..

Jackie