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>>>>We are abandoned and in turn we abandon ourselves>>>>
It is the old head-to-heart thing you know? My head says "yeah that is correct" but my heart says, "did I abandon someone?
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This from Advice From a Failure.. Jo Courdet
8. YOU ALWAY
LEARN TO
SWIM IN THE WINTER
YOU DO NO T NEED to be loved, not at the cost of yourself.
The single relationship truly central and crucial in a life is
the relationship to the self. It is rewarding to find someone
whom you like, but it is essential to like yourself. It is
quickening to recognize that someone is a good and decent
human being, but it is indispensable to view yourself as
acceptable. It is a delight to discover people who are wor-
thy of respect and admiration and love, but it is vital to be-
lieve yourself deserving of these things. For you cannot
live in someone else. You cannot find yourself in someone
else. You cannot be given a life by someone else. Of all the
people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one
you will never leave nor lose. To the question of your life,
you are the only answer. To the problems of your life, You
are the only solution.
Courdet titled this chapter.. you always learn to swim in the winter..
To me this means that we learn how to sort this stuff.. when its real bad..
When we are in the winter of our soul..
Turning this around is the subject at hand.. finding how to sort this is the task..
I knew when I had to do it and when we met a long time ago.. I was deep into sorting it..
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Who did I hurt with my actions? Who did I abandon?!"
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I think the act of shutting it all down.. and just not speaking of it.. not working through the emotions involved in giving two babies up for adoption at sixteen.. is the abandonment..
But you were not shown the way.. and probably the issues did not present themselves.. I know it took me twenty years..
But now you are standing at the door..
It works this stuff.. trust me it works..
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Why is it that I can't understand the answer is me?
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It becomes a habit.. it becomes a way.. it is automatic..
I can not find my feeling self sometimes.. I know it shuts itself down.. but now I fight for it..
Now I do not avoid.. now I cry and rage and get angry and do all the things that used to scare me.. and I know now I will come out the other side of the bad stuff..
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And why is it that as I write this the old messages fly in, People are clucking their tongues at you Janey...people are saying to themsleves when will this whiny brat go away!
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Courdet also wrote in that chapter..
The Temporary Facts of Life
It is a superlative by-product that straightening out your
relationship to yourself also happens to straighten out your
relationship to other people. But even if this were not so,
the self would nevertheless be the place to start, for it is
more agonizing by far to live unloved by yourself than un-
loved by some number of people with whom you come in
contact.
Some of us were never shown love.. and heck some of us went and looked for that love when teens and had sex and had babies and then the whole world blew up in front of us.. and we were not shown love..
We were told that if we were good then we would save face (their face).. Or like you.. you got two messages one keep one give away and if you did not give away.. don’t come home..
In a most traumatic time of you life you were not shown love..
It’s a fight.. it’s a journey this learning about love and how to love ourselves.. A process and you posting here and reaching out is an act of love for yourself.. A beginning..
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No Janey...don't listen! Write! Write! Keep going......
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I was not on yesterday.. my daughter was here.. and she is now back in Toronto..
Jackie