[Abbe]

iwanttobeamom -

After intensive research and feedback on this forum, I've come to this conclusion: I'm hellbent on being a mom and nothing will stop me. If I stay in that frame of mind, I'll stop resenting my husband and stop thinking negative and start doing whatever I have to do to have a family.

Here are some suggestions - some may sound crazy but you gotta do what you gotta do. You have to go the domestic route. First, find an adoption lawyer who is on your side, takes the time to talk to you and who you totally connect with, because they'll give you hope. You might have to call around until you find one that you like but they've heard it all and you will find one.

The other thing you need to try to do is get the charges expunged. That's the word of the day in our house lately. Call a criminal lawyer and see if it can be done. The charges may still come up on the background check but at least if it's expunged, it looks better.

Then you find an agency who will do the homestudy (the adoption lawyer will tell you who may work with you, get the referral from the lawyer). They'll tell you what you need to do, extra classes, therapy, whatever it is that you need to do to pass the homestudy, you have to do it. Hopefully, you'll find a social worker who will meet you and like you and will approve you.

Here's another crazy one, and this came from the adoption lawyer believe it or not: You can divorce your husband, adopt as a single mom and then re-marry.

So if you really love your husband and want to stay together, don't let this destroy your marriage. Stay strong and figure out how you're going to do this and keep telling yourselves when you see children or families that this will be you one day.

I totally can feel what you're going through. It's so frustrating to see people that aren't such great parents or take it for granted when you know you'd appreciate your child even more because of all this and you'd be such awesome parents.

Don't give up yet.

Abby