Quote:
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Originally Posted by lonni
"I understand how painful it must be for his firstparents...but regardless of how it came to be, he is now your son and you shouldn't have to listen to things such as that.
I would certainly tell them that converstions like that are unacceptable and that in order for your OA to be a success," love2boys said
It depends on the adoptive parent. I do listen to our son's parent's discuss regrets and grief. I can handle that and feel all children are "worthy" of being grieved over. It mattered plenty to me as an adoptee if my parent's grieved and had regrets or if they just skipped away without a second thought. When our son was older, his parent's did discuss this grief with him (he was 15) and it affirmed to him that it was not a
flip decision. JMO
Goastros, I think you want only the best for your son and will do just fine;~))
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I totally agree with you, lonni - when my boys' firstmoms grieve, I listen to them as well - and I try to understand to the best of my ability...and I know my children will appreciate both sets of their parents working together towards a healthy OA.
But I took the OP's posts as more than regrets from the firstparents - I took it as her saying that his firstfamily is truly asking for him back - not that they regret the circumstance...but that they want his aparents to give him back because they are his "real family" (to quote the OP).
Now, I don't know if this is the case - it's just the way I took it.
goastros - I'm sorry I went off topic since you weren't asking for advice about this but about how to maintain an OA from a distance...I just wanted to explain myself to lonni because I really am sympathetic to the pain that firstfamilies go through, and hoped I didn't come off as such.