Jensboys-
Is he old enough to write and draw pictures? Some of his pain may be deeper than the surface shows. he could be angry... In therapy, one thing they would tell him is to write out his anger. Let him say whatever he wants. If he is angry that he cant see her, maybe he would write... "And I am soo mad that I do not get to see you anymore. I do not understand why they took you from me..." Sometimes just recognizing his pain isnt enough. He needs to be able to recognize when he is sad, angry or upset. And he needs to know what he can do to help relieve that pain/frustration. If he is better at drawing... Tell him he can draw a picture of anything... (In the case of our Fdaughter, she was sooo angry, we let her write and draw what she wanted. It was not appropriate for school or for other children, and she would never talk that way to them. however, in this case, she just needed to vent.... And words like... Bit## and idiot and things like that came out. Although we would never condone these words, we told her this was the only place she could do it, she was safe and she would not get in trouble for being angry... and that she needed to partner with us.) It helped relieved some pain. They need to release other wise they blow up...
Have you told him why she was taken? I was told along time ago... My husband and I were the reason for our AD's anger. You could imagine my shock and defensiveness... Everyday she would go to the mail box and wait for a letter from her birthmom.(3yrs had passed.) It would never be there. We always said, it was lost, or maybe she mailed it today... What we didnt see was that we help her create a fairy tale. We needed to let her know that birthmom hadnt written and that we do not know if she will ever write.
He needs to know where to place the blame of his anger. At Gramma... Not himself... And it sounds like that is what he may be doing.
Good Luck!!! I just want to squeeze him.
{{{{HUG********