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Very understandable
I'm a reunited adoptee, less than 1 year. I completely understand how you feel about not being able to call - worrying about making a call - and continuously second guessing yourself about contact.
However, I have picked up that phone and called because my bmom doesn't email. And life is too short to take any chances. We had a chance for a relationship ... but someone had to call. Did I want her to call me? YES!!!! Was I willing to take the chance that she wouldn't? NO!!!! And, now she says thank goodness that I pushed because she never would have and she is so grateful that we have the relationship we do. I wouldn't have called if she ever said stop ... but there were lots of times, I felt that I shouldn't but did anyway.
Picking up the phone - making contact - trying to "start" a relationship. All these actions take bravery - and show that you care. What is the worst thing that can happen? Since I'm older, I know that life can be short and I was not willing to take any unnecessary risks.
I wish all of you courage ... courage to take that chance
and reach out. Good luck.
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