[RavenSong]

Janey, if you haven't done so already, please read The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler. This book is amazing, simply amazing. You'll see yourself in each and every story, and hear other women who have the same exact feelings you're struggling with. You are not alone...there are hundred's of thousands of us walking around who have gone through the same experience and who struggle with the same issues and emotions.

I don't know why there are so many judgmental people in this world. But I know the type of hurt you've experienced. When I relinquished my baby at age 17, I was met with approval (mostly) for my decision. It was easy at the time for other people to see that I was still a kid myself. When I became older, however, I started getting the negative reactions from people when I told them I had placed my son for adoption. Those were the people who hadn't known me as a teenager ~ they didn't see the girl, they only saw the woman. I've always been great with kids...it's just a gift I have. So people I have met in adulthood often don't understand how in the world I could have relinquished my own child. They say things like, "oh, but you're so wonderful with children". They tell me that I would have been a good mother, that I could have handled motherhood. But the truth is they don't see me as I was back then, a lonely, scared teenager who didn't think she was good enough.

I think some people in our society also buy into the myth that birthmothers voluntarily relinquish their babies because they don't want them, because they don't care. And that is a bunch of garbage. It's so strange ~ when I was 17 y/o, I was told by the professionals that I would be selfish if I kept my son. Thirty-six years later, I'm told that I was selfish in surrendering him. It's really a case of "dammed if you do and dammed if you don't".