Quote:
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The clock was exactly like the one that was hanging in the courthouse the day I went to give my babies up. I felt a stab of pain as I remembered sitting under that clock watching the minute hand tick by and thinking that in less than an hour I would go inside a small room in the courthouse, and surrounded by strangers, I'd sign a piece of paper and my babies would be gone. I remember being so young and wishing, praying that someone, anyone, would come along and ask me to marry them and then I wouldn't have to give my children up.
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I think this is a sign of health..
Remembering those places is a way into those memories.. and finding your grief..
I think that some of us get stuck in the first stage of grief.. the denial stage..
I was in that place for at least twenty years..
I ended up locked up in my home unable to go out.. I would go out and get groceries etc.. and I would go down town and speak with strangers but I cut off my friends.. and cut myself off from all of it..
I would not pretend any more..
Could not..
The second stage of grief.. is.. Anger..
Ha… How many of us can do that there anger thing..
I had a real hard time with it..
But then Kubler Ross said we do not do the stages in sequence.. some of us..
And who knows if she is correct..
But it’s a journey.. for me..
A journey to myself.. and my heart and my feelings and my ability to protect myself..
I knew when I was hidden away.. I could not protect myself.. I could not put up boundaries with people..
I hated myself too much..
I went for therapy.. and I worked at learning how to love myself.. and forgive myself..
Tall order..
So ‘welcome back to the war’.. That is a line in a song..
I can’t think of it.. now..
Jackie
From Wikipedia
The stages are:
Denial: "It can't be happening."
Anger: "Why me? It's not fair."
Bargaining: "Just let me live to see my children graduate."
Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."