[Nicole28]

Megan - I rarely call my mom my "adoptive mom" or "a-mom" on the forums because I only have one mother...so I don't find it necessary to make a distinction.

I think that the reason some biological mothers may take offense to our definition of what a "mother" is because they may find a certain betrayal in not being considered a "mother," you know? I do not believe that giving birth constitutes a mother. Neither does grieving for the child they relinquished for years and years. I'm sorry - I know that sounds harsh. At the same rate, I don't consider myself to be my biological mother's "daughter." She gave birth to me, then relinquished her parental rights - I'm the child that she relinquished for adoption, but I'm not her daughter. She may think of me as her daughter, however, but since we are not in contact, I suppose that is neither her nor there.

I find it interesting that the first definition for "daughter" when you do a Google search is "a female offspring; "her daughter cared for her in her old age" [from a website linked to Princeton University!]. This isn't an "adoptee-friendly" definition, if you want to get down to the nitty gritty and get technical, ha - - because unless I find myself in reunion and develop that kind of relationship with my bio-mother, I'd find it impossible to relate to the second half of Princeton's definition! Just food for thought.

The point is - like dpen said, as long as there is respect, then whatever we choose to call whomever should be okay. I just spoke with my boyfriend, who is out of town for business, and he found out that a guy that he will be working with was adopted from Korea in the 80's. This guy is in reunion with his biological mother, a half-sister and a biological uncle, and he refers to them by their first names, despite a bit of backlash from his bio-mother, who claimed that not referring to her as his "mother" was disrespectful of their deep tradition of honoring your mother and father. He apparently only identifies with his American roots and has limited exposure to any kinds of Korean traditions, so he told my boyfriend that there was some tension for awhile...their relationship consists of one visit to Korea a year for him [and he spends most of that time with his half-sister, who is a year younger than him, and some friends] and cards & phone calls.