[meganicolson]

Originally Posted by dpen6

We have the right to call them whatever makes us feel comfortable as long as there is respect(respect being defined by the adoptee). I really get upset when others in generally society or even within the triad have the audicty to attempt to "scold" us into calling them what makes them feel comfortable because of a situation that we were put into. If in fact we had good moms in out adoptions we have every right to say calling our bmoms, mom makes us uncomfortable.

I personally called my bmom her first name. Didnot feel comfortable using anything else. For no other reason execpt that I was not raised by her....I give her total credit for my genes, my birth , but not the mothering of my childhood. That is NOT a judgemnt in anyway, just a fact.

I can really relate to this post because on another, adoptee section of a (different) adoption forum I was scolded (by a birth mother) for my use of the term "birth lady" when sharing my adoption story. First of all...it was the adoptee section of the forum where the adoptees are supposed to feel safe to share. Second, it is the adoptee member of the triad who has little to no say in their situation in the adoption. The least that can be done is for other triad members to respect the adoptee's perspective, and in this situation, their choice of wording.

I respect my birth lady and credit her for many things, but she did not "mother" me in the way that the word mother brings many connotations to mind. So, for me to say S is my "birth mother" would not be a true statement. As an adoptee I can reserve the right to save the name "mother" for my mom. (For any who might need clarification, that would be my adoptive mom...the one who changed my diapers, rocked me to sleep, tucked me in, spanked me, taught me to ride a bike, drive a car, play piano, held me when I cried or was sick, etc., etc., etc.) Whew...I didn't know I felt so intense about this!