|
let the tears come...
Janey,
Let the feelings out, let the tears come. The pain and the terror are normal. The guilt, shame, anger, loss, and grief are, too. I want to tell you that you have nothing to apologize for, but I don't want to presume to take away your right to feel whatever you are feeling. See if by talking/writing about your feelings you can begin to sort them out.
So many of us have lived our own version of what you are now living. Each of us is an individual, and no two experiences are identical. But there is a commonality of experience that seems to come with relinquishment. I, too, felt so much shame for "giving up" on my son, for not finding a way to keep him. In reunion now I've been able to let a lot of that go, but it takes time and work and love and forgiveness and those are places you can't just leap to. You have to first find the courage to give yourself the permission to feel whatever you feel. It can be terrifying after having denied yourself the right to feel all these years. But if you can, it might be your first step on the path to healing your broken heart. At least, I hope so.
As much as we want to, no one here can take away your pain, but at least here, you can be assured that there is someone who understands.
So let the tears come and keep talking about your feelings. You are processing a lifetime of sorrow. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the time you need to do this. And know that you are not alone....
Hugs,
Susanne
|