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I have to eat a little crow and apologize here. I am sorry that I jumped without rereading. I had originally read that the mother was being trumped and that the contact was contemplated with the child.
As far as my statement, obviously nobody's life is automatically ruined for a child who doesn't know about, or doesn't want to know about the adoption, but the 1% chance that you'd springing this on a person who isn't prepared to deal with it, is a "life altering" event that frankly isn't deserved by the adopted person. It isn't worth it. If you put the information out there, when they are ready, they will find it. In this case, I think the poster was right (and I misread.. sorry!) to contemplate contacting the mother, as this would be a form of getting the information out there without directly impacting the child. Way to go!
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