[Oceans]

Xdad: I don't think there is anything wrong with contacting her Mom. There are things that you want to apologize for and 15 years is a long time. People can soften. It's also very likely that your daughter may have some questions for you - if not now then someday. Someone having your contact info available is a good thing. The hardest part about ALL of this (coming from a bmom going thru it) is getting your thoughts straight before you make the call or send the letter. I wish you the best of luck - please let us know how it goes and stick around here. This is a great place to learn and get support.

Lumpkin: I'm not sure how you think contacting this girls Mom could "ruin" his DD's life. I grew up w/an awsome aDad but that didn't stop me from wanting to know my birthdad. Everyone is different .... If you have a personal story, then I would suggest you share that to support a blanket assumption that adoptee's lives are "ruined" when bparents make contact -

Some adopteed people don't want to know... Xdad needs to be prepared for that and respect both DD's and her Mom's wishes, but it is entirely possible that DD would like to know him.