[Xdad]

Hello. 15 years ago I was younger and a different person. I was scared, betrayed, and confused and let my 3 week fling turn into a 15 year punishment.
I dated a friend from high school years after graduation, we were ga ga over each other, but had nothing in common, and little to talk about. I went back to college (had a life threatning injury, so was out for a couple years). We talked on the phone, but long distance relationship for two who didn't talk much...dead end. We had dated for 3 weeks and had intercourse twice...very drunk.
I was raised MORMON in a child abusive home (as they called it, 'twas but a house), so I certianatly had self esteem issues and so on, and so on.
I recived a phone call from a friend of mine that she was now pregnant. She had relations as well with a friend/ of mine prior to our adventure.
I was upset that I had to hear this from a friend, let alone at all.
I went back to her town to talk with her about this, and she was religious, and I was young. She offered me an option to come back and be a part of the childs life, or to go back and we'd never speak again. I went back.
Shortly after my daughter was born, I recieved a letter from child support. She got married and wanted money to help raise her. I was hurt that I again wasn't contacted in person before I am served with papers. I was asked for crazy money for child support, and had to fight it. She dropped the case and asked for custody (adoption). I signed the papers.
I met her at some point for 20 minutes, but the parents came home, and I was embarrased and left.
I was given a couple baby pictures, but they were taken from my house along with many pictures of me, so I assume one of our joint friends pulled that off.

So, for the past 15 years I have been patient and still respecting her birthmom's wishes, and this error has been on my mind.
I was married a year after she was born, still am to the same girl, and have no intentions of having children.
I think that this is something to do with it, or that we both came from abusive homes.
Anyway, for the past ten years, I have been searching the internet for any mention of her, or her mother, and nothing ever came up...that changed 2 nites ago, when I found my daughter's picture online.
Now, what to do. I feel very remorseful for the way we both acted, but in the end she was right.
I am trying to get the nerve up to contact my daughters birthmom, but am nervous. Should she care? I dug my hole, should I still sleep in it? What would a 15 year old think about her birth father?..should she care?
My family issues make me a bit callous when it comes to blood and flesh, so, who am I to her anyway? just some 40 year old rocker? another reason to lash out at mom (she's 15 for godsake),
I know what to do, write the letter, but who else has done the same.
Now that i saw her picture, and that she looked so much like me, has got me even more...obsessive?
Yikes?