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I think to answer the original question - a parent CAN relinquish custody of a child to another person they choose (must be done legally but it can happen). Laws are different in every state and for this you must consult a lawyer for the details of how / when it could be done.
while the child is in foster care, A judge will decide if the mom gets custody back and frequently after custody is returned mom will be "supervised" by a SW for about 6 months to be sure the child is safe. If mom "relapses" during that time then yes, the child will likely be returned to foster care and may or may not be placed with the foster parents who the child was with before.
I would think in this case since the plan is headed for child to be reunited with mom that the SW isn't going to spend much time working with you as a "back up plan" because reunification seems VERY likely at this point. So, in their mind, why bother to spend time on you? Also if reunifiation was likely then they also would not likley have any reason to have a child bond with you b/c the child was going back to mom. So, I'm not all that surprised about that if the plan from the beginning has always been reunification. SWs don't often focus on "back up plans" until they REALLY need one.
If I were you, I would start the process to get my homestudy done and become a foster family. Then if the child reenters the system you can jump right in and as an approved foster home you could have the child placed in your care. If the child returns to care contact the SW (keep calling supervisors until you acutally speak to someone, send certified letters, etc) AND contact the child's lawyer to let them know that you are willing, as a relative, to have the child placed with you.
Again, I'm not trying to be negative, but I'm a bit worried that mom SAYS she will relinquish but won't. You also need to talk to a lawyer to fully understand the difference between you having legal custody of the child vs. adopting the child. Two different things with different consequences for the future of the child.
just my 2 cents
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