[BrandyHagz]

Stormster, I won't reply to your question - because honestly, I think it's a personal decision between the two of you, based on your relationship. I will say you should never do anything that makes you uncomfortable or unhappy...it may create a strain on the friendship/relationship.

I do want to comment on the 'obligation' issue though, because this kinda freaks me out!

First, I have to admit that I did send M's mom a note wishing her a happy mothers day. This is a hard one for her, given certain circumstances going on in her life. I didn't call, because I don't want to disrupt her on her day (she lives with her mom right now and I know they had a lot going on).

M and her mom, however, did call me. I hope against hope that they did so because they wanted to, not because they felt obligated to. I think that would literally break my heart into a million tiny pieces if I found out we were just 'going through the motions' rather than doing what we wanted to do, regardless of how others may or may not feel regarding the matter.

S (M's mom) and I have talked a lot about the 'mother' thing in our relationship - mostly because M has called me mom for a while now. Last year, when this all came up, I ask S how it made her feel and her response to me was that M has two mothers, one that gave birth to her and one that is raising her. I will admit, for a long time, this made me really uncomfortable - but as time has passed, I've started to understand it a bit more. I also realize that not everyone feels 'open' to sharing the title of mother - and again, I think it's a personal thing which should be left up to the parties involved.

I don't know what I am getting at really - I guess basically that relationships built out of obligation usually become unhealthy (meaning, if becomes more like work and the value of the relationship is devalued).

If I had one piece of advice for anyone involved in open adoption - that advice would be that relationships are built on communication, the better the communication, the stronger the relationship. Look at your marriage for instance. If you want to build a strong and healthy relationship with anyone, one of the first steps is opening those lines of communication, even when the topic is hard (like setting boundaries etc).

And now...I'm off to take some of my own advice - isn't it great when you work these things out...LOL

[ETA: I guess each person is different, I went to the mail box today and had 4 cards, from 4 people who aren't my children...(I didn't send any to anyone) - so I guess it all comes down to what your 'normal' is.]