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We have 2 bios..DS 9 amd DD 7..they were 5 and 7 when we started the process. Once we were seriously considering adoption, we just started talking to them in "how would you feel if ?" kinds of ways. And then bringing up all of the positive things about it and some things that might be scary but untrue (we won't love them..ect). And as time went by they asked more and more questions and we also expressed our excitement about the new baby. We also tried to notice other multiraical families and use them as a starting point for more discussions. We read books also.
At one point my DS came to me while I was doing laundry one day and said "Why are we getting another baby?, Why do we need one?" He was about 8 at the time (so you may not get such direct questions) I tried to answer him as best I could (we a followers of Christ, so that comes in quite a lot as to why we do everything we do, I am not sure if the same it true for you) Then he said, "I don't want another baby..I don't think we should get one." At that point I basicly told him that his Dad and I were not asking his permission to get one. We are the parents and we make deicisions about the family, although we do always want to know how they (the kids) feel about them but parents know what is best not the kids. And that we had made our deicsion and now we needed to focus on preparing everyone for the changes that would be coming, not aurguing about them.
But now that Hope is home he has changed his tune. He is totally in love with her. And DH just asked the kids the other day how they would feel if we adopted again , and they both said that they wanted us to. DS even said, "I didn't know I would love her this much".
Well, I hope that answers some of your questions,
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