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I went through something really similar. I had to let it go. The whole first year I parented my son, I also tried to fix the pain of his birthmother. It was totally unfair on her part and actually very selfish of her to keep dumping it all on me. It clouded alot of my happiness. Finally, my husband got me to see that I was not fully enjoying being a mother because of the stupid guilt. Ultimately, it ended with our son's birthmother hating me, when I put my foot down and told her that I was not the one she should be sharing her grief and anger with. But, I have no regrets.
If she sent you over there knowing there was that negative stuff, that is sort of manipulative.
You really are not responsible for her grief. Is she in counseling? Is she stepping up and taking responsibility? I hope so.
What do you have to feel guilty about? It was her choice. Are you going to spend the rest of our life worrying that your happiness causes her saddness? What kind of mother will that make you for your son?
It's not healthy.
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