lol...withay.....you just reminded me of a GREAT story about dd and tantrums. she was 10 or 11....home for 2 or 3 years at that point. we went to kohls and she was mad at me bc i made her hold my hand in the parking lot (she stepped out in front of an oncoming car moments before...so i was being a good mom). when we enterred into the building, i let go, and she threw herself on the ground and started yelling, "OW OW YOU ARE HURRRRRRTING ME!" i could have died! i was so embarassed...and super mad. there she was, getting back at me for making her hold my hand....in front of the whole store. without missing a beat, i scooped her up (she is a tiny girl) and picked her up like a toddler. she continued to scream. i let her tantrum for a while....while i shopped. i am sure at this point shoppers through the whole store were watching and listening. i leaned closely to dd and whispered,
"you can keep tantruming like this if you want, but your friends at school.......they shop here." SILENCE. ahhhh.....peer pressure. she shut up at that point, and i finished shopping, holding my 10 or 11 year old daughter the ENTIRE time. when we got out to the car, i buckled her in even. i let her know that if she was going to behave like a toddler, i would treat her like a toddler, regardless of where we were. you know, she NEVER EVER EVER EVER tried to manipulate me
LIKE THAT ever again. lol...of course she went on to try new ways...but those are stories for another day!
i also hear you about the neighbors. now 14 year old son is a really good tantrum thrower too...but only at home. i am CERTAIN the neighbors often wondered if they should dial 911. the police would have seen quite a sight when they got there though, ds, alone in his room with an open door, just screaming and thrashing about all on his own. fun times. he still does it. FOURTEEN! so you may want to get your neighbors on your side. OH, now i want to tell another story. so this one time, he was 13, he was FREAKING out tantrumming in his room....only the Lord knows why...and I was so SICK of listening to it. so....i picked him, carried him down the stairs, opened the front door, set him on the porch, and closed the door....locking it. he stopped immediately. he didn't want any of his friends to see him crying "like a baby." that seemed to help decrease the amount, length, and volume of his "little episodes," bc i just had to say, "oh...do you want to go outside?" lol! it was one of my finer moments in parenting.
i've learned you just have to find their "button," ......and then hope it works long enough for you to make a difference in behavior.
good luck