I understand, and I am sorry if I mistook your meaning. It is certainly true that while some state agencies look immediately for a relative (either as they should or with an eye to "dumping"), there are cws who, out of preconceived notions of apples not falling far from trees, will avoid family and block family.
As for how long, it should be in the case plan--it should say when they expect the goal to be achieved or supervision to end. The first mother should, by law, have a copy of the case plan approved by the court. That said, I wouldn't assume that when that date comes and goes that she automatically has custody. Usually there is another case plan review before the court releases custody back to the parent.
The thing about seeing the first mother is not that it is a given that the child shouldn't; if openness can be achieved in a way that is healthy and beneficial for the child, then great. My caution is to not ever let it be a "promise" or something the first mother views as a "right" or "family obligation." In our experience, the adults, whose problems are rooted in addictions and illnesses for which they are not at "fault" but which still pose dangers for the child involved, tend not to understand that what they want is not necessarily what is best for the child. Actually, in our experience, they are simply unable to separate the two concepts. Then there is the pressure they bring to bear--"we're family, why are you being so mean?"--and the pressure they enlist others to bring--"why can't we all be together on a holiday? What's the harm?"
In other words, setting boundaries from the get-go and maintaining them has been one of the hardest and sometimes most painful parts of this journey. Actually loving and caring for the child, even with all her issues, is far easier than dealing with the adults.
Good luck to you and your family. Stepping up is a good thing, something we really believe in, but know from personal experience that it must be stepping for the child relative, not the adult. Please do keep posting, this is a great place for support (and sometimes unwanted advice
