[takingtheplunge]

you said " You are talking about getting to know this child solely so that you can claim a relationship later--if you haven't wanted to get to know this child before or don't want to know the child better because you already hold him/her in your heart, then faking an interest now doesn't make much sense. If you are successful, you will be raising a child as your own for many years not because you want to have that child in your life and fulfill his/her needs but because you chose to cater to the wants of a dysfunctional adult. I would be afraid that if you did that, the child would suffer greatly--as would you, because resentment would surely follow on all sides."



This is the problem with forums. Tone and intent if often misread, but I do appreciate your comments because they make me think about how I write; I know your feedback is well intended.

I don't want to get to know the child soley to get her. Simply, CPS is using "bonding" as a reason to shut family out.

I wasn't allowed to see the baby much because the parent first delayed telling the family when he was taken, then when I did contact CPS, CPS would not return my calls for months (I have documentation and everything). Secondly, while in foster care, the bio parent invited me on a couple of visits so that I could meet with our great niece. Sadly, foster mom told me that I should not be there and that she would tell CPS b/c visit was only supposed to be for bio parent. I have been locked out of building a relationship for several reasons: delay in bio parent stating what happened, lack of return calls from CPS, subtle threats from foster mom. My interest in this child is not fake!

Secondly, there is nothing greatly wrong with the living bio parent per se, so I don't know why you would say it is not in the child's best interest to see them if adopted by family (us). In fact, CPS advised the foster mom to offer "open adoption" because CPS doubted that TPR would really go through.

The father, who was the bad news element in this case, is dead. No more. Mom fully loves the child but she had problems at first coping and through some bad caretaking decisions got the kid taken away. She has now gone to all parenting classes, went to therapy, tested neg. for drugs, got a job and a place to live. You should see her and the toddler play together. It's beautiful. She wants child back verses letting it live in a foster home. There are many concerns about the foster home that I can't mention b/c it would reveal too many specifics. I do believe Foster mom is good/nice person deep down, but there are 10 really good reasons I would not want my kid to be raised there either.

Needless to say, bio mom feels extended family would be better long term care takers for the child. This is not our decision for her; it's hers. She told CPS if TPR, she wanted us to have it, but CPS said no, it would go to foster home b/c of "bonding".

So, she finished her case plan and has the little one back in her home on an "extended visit" or something like that; she has two more follow-up review hearings. I don't when when she will get full official custody.

Yes, we are seeing the baby now that she's back. But per CPS, we are not allowed to baby sit until our fingerprints come back clean, which is silly b/c both of us already have prints on file b/c we are govt workers. Even when our prints are cleared, CPS says the baby cannot stay overnight with us. So How do I build I bond? This is why I thought maybe I should visit her daily which is somewhat intrusive to sit there in her living room; we'd rather baby sit at our house on weekends and see her at her house a couple days a week. Yes, I guess this is the fake part. I don't want to rush for force a relationship to move more quickly. Yet, I don't want to be passed over again if mom falls down before regaining custody. I truly love the child and I want to help mom care for him while I wait for her custody status to be complete and then wait for private adoption paperwork.


My question was simply this? When can she have to right to relinquish to whom she chooses?

Secondly, I realized that in the months that the mom has the kid while still on probation, there is a possibility that things could go wrong. What if mom relapses? What is mom's depression comes back? If this happens before she regains custody, will the kid go back to foster home or will family have a chance to step back in?

I am worried that if she relapses the child will be yanked out of our lives again and go back to foster mom because of the "bond" that CPS referred to.

Yes, I agree the child is truly a victim here. However, the child's bio mom loves her and we love her. Who knows, Bio mom might decide in the coming months that she doesn't want to relinquish to us; she could realize she has the strength to do this herself, and we have suggested that on several occasions. Personally, I know I could never relinquish my kid, however, I haven't also gone through, witnessed and seen the crap that she has been through. Raising a baby is also expensive and since she is working, she won't get government aide, yet she doesn't really make enough to raise the child. Even though we offered to help her with some day care expenses, she still sees limits to her caring for the child long term. So, she is (currently) seeing it as in the child's best interest to hold it together long enough so that she can private adopt to family.