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I can understand your daughter's point-of-view because I was (am) in exactly the same situation. I'm 28 now but I was in college when my parents (who are about the same age as you) started the adoption process for my little sister and I had just finished college when she came home. I wasn't living at home, and so I acted as though I was totally in favor of it (obviously they spoke to me for the home study, etc), but I was also TERRIFIED that once the adoption was final, if something happened to my parents, I'd be left with this toddler on my hands. When she actually did come home, before anything was finalized, we actually had a meeting with extended family where I was assured that responsibility for her wouldn't fall on me (or not entirely) if something happened to my parents.
And, as ridiculous as it sounds to admit I'm jealous of someone 20 years younger than me, I was and still sometimes am. I live on the opposite side of the country, I still get angry when my Mom can't talk when I call because she's doing something with sister. I felt like I couldn't say anything because I just needed to grow up and because I was being childish, and not saying anything for a LONG TIME made it into an epic battle when it finally did come out....your daughter probably knows that she's supposed to be "grown-up" but knowing that really doesn't change the feelings.
Which is not to say I think you shouldn't adopt...she'll deal with it and probably really love her new sibling- I love my sister, I'd like to adopt myself someday, but it's still a hard transition even for kids who aren't at home anymore.
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