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You could have him squeeze your hand real tight, so it's less obvious...then you tell people he's painfully shy and thank them for the compliments or comments.
Also, it sounds like it is a translation of his anger at you which is fear you'll not protect him in those circumstances....so maybe have that discussion, about trusting you to handle it...and having a secret sign for when he'd like you to handle a situation for him.
At home and elsewhere, you all of a sudden need to "go deaf" to his hitting...and re-state the sign and let him know you don't know what you're to do if he doesn't give you the signal....play dumb long enough, and hem ought to abandon that communication tactic as long as he has a replacement...
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