[Karen in MT]

Sorry long post... Much has been wrote about the subject of older parents. I'm just wondering if other older parents have encountered the problem I have and how they dealt with it.
Our background... A 56 yr old active and healthy DH that has never had children and wants 1 or 2 bad! I'm an active and healthy female age 51. We have been married 3 years. I had 3 children from a previous marriage. We have good relations with them. The problem mostly is with my soon to be 19 yr old (slightly spoiled) daughter. She is a good kid and a happy college student that is away at school most of the year. 2 1/2 yrs ago we started the process to adopt a young child from China. Of course we are still waiting! While waiting we are considering an older child from Russia also. My daughter cried buckets when we started the China process. I have not even had guts to tell her we are also in the process with Russia now. In front of her college friends yesterday the subject came up of us adopting. She made statements of how she does not want to be raising a child that we can't finish, (is basically what she said) I saw the potential tears and emotions being held back! We hardly have a foot in the grave. I hate the fact that there are lots of grandparents out-there raising grandchildren due to uncapable parents for whatever the reason and yet we can't consider having more children in the sight of my kids. They really struggle with it. I'm planning on telling her that we will make plans for our younger childrens future and never plan to burden my adult children. I adore my kids and I think their feelings involve much more than a fear of future responsiblity toward younger siblings. I have talked with her extensively about this subject but my declarations of love for her don't seem to help. I think she wants me to only have the 3 children I had and no more. That is not fair for my DH or myself. It is just so hard to not have them share in the process comfortably. My older daughter has come around and is anxious for something to happen for us. It will probably take time, so I vented here. Also it is so annoying that when you plan to adopt you feel that you must answer to everyone and when you get pregnant it is a private choice. It is just wrong! We rarely even bring up the original adoption plan due to the elephant in the room. Anyone else have similar troubles? -Karen