[monroeman]

Ollie,

It's hard to come up with much advice that I feel really comfortable giving, not knowing a lot about the past three years for you. All I really have to offer is a shoulder that's been there, although my ride stopped after "only" 18 months. Three years would have been quite demoralizing.

My son also came to us as a foster/adopt child. There was family interested. They eventually withdrew their petition, for which I am grateful. Although I really think that he would have been placed with us anyway, we didn't have to experience the legal wrangling. Still, I was ready to do this if necessary because of the bond he had with us, that we had with him, and because of what I believed was best for him.

I liked the points that Sharon made and agree completely with 1 & 2. On 3, we might agree, but I'm not sure what "all other things being equal" means. I don't think she means comparing bank accounts and country club memberships, but I won't try to put words in her mouth.

Generally speaking, children are better off with their bio families, but in your case the attachment issues might outweigh this, and the child might be better off with you. I am leaning this way, but I couldn't say for sure so I'd advise you to talk with someone who is more familiar with all the details of your case if possible.

Foster/adopting is very difficult emotionally. My wife and I haven't been able to muster the "courage?" to throw our hats in again yet (it's been two+ years), although we do keep our license current so that we can when/if we are ready. Don't want to discourage you, but to let you know that you're not alone in the way you are feeling.

Hope I've been helpful in some way.