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I am posting because at this moment in my life I am struggling with the reasonings behind my sons adoption. I was fourteen when he was born...many people believe that fourteen was to young to raise a child...I beg to differ, individual curcumstances must apply.
It hurts my heart to see Thank you birthmother for giving me life
or thank you birthmother for giving me a child.
That is not what happened...at least not to me. In the first letter my sons parents wrote to me they said "how can you thank a person for giving the gift of life".
My heart yelled and screamed he was not a gift. He is a baby, he is a child, he is a young man that will one day be a man. He is not a possession he is not a gift period.
The sadness I felt at his parents letting me know what he has been told about his adoption....He has always been told he was given out of love...for me that is the furthest from the truth so why tell a child a lie? Does this make it easier on the child or on the parent?
I know so many wonderful women who have lost their child to adoption...over two thousand here in Canada are in one of my main support groups. Two thousand woman who have lost children to adoption through coercion/force or whatever means nessisary. Did these women give their children out of love? Was this a selfless act?
A selfless act is throwing yourself infront of a bullet meant to harm someone you love. Adoption is not a selfless act. No matter what a child is told about their adoption no matter the love the support the caring the recieve from their parents they will always have the seed of abandonment deep in their hearts. That is what saddens me the most, that I cannot hold my son while he cries, I cannot stand in front of him while he yells and screams his myseries to me. he does not have a voice for these miseries because they have been stifled through years of untruthful words meant to make him feel grateful for what he has, to be thankful he was not an abortion. My son was adopted, but my son is also a person who should have access to all his thoughts and feelings, he should be able to find his voice and use it when nessisary. Time after time I hear from adoptees not wanting to search for their other families due to their parents feelings on it, Were are their voices? Why are adoptee's made to feel grateful for what they have? Why is it that adoption is so secretive, that even the adoptive parent does not want to hear the truth.
My son should want for nothing. I want him to be able to make his own decisions and not have to base them on anothers feelings.
I am parenting three children right now, all of them have their own voice, even if their decision hurts me or makes me uncomfortable as long as it makes them happy because I know they do not belong to me I am only here to guide them into adult hood, I want my children to feel that they have the power to make their own decisions right or wrong it will be theirs. I wish that for my son, and hope one day that he will have his own voice
Hugs
Melissa
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