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Love comes slowly sometimes
I agree with a lot being said here, especially the not giving up and showing love through actions as much as emotion. Just have to just share my experience. It's a long one, so bear with me.
We adopted 4 kids from foster care last year. The initial bonding was quick and I felt a lot of love for all of them right away. However, after a few months, when their true personalities came out, I realized I was having a hard time continuing to bond, like, and yes even love one of my kids. Not that he was a horror story etc., but just because our personalities clashed. I wasn't prepared to deal with such a clingy kid that whined ALL the time. Drove me nuts and after awhile it made me cringe sometimes because it seemed like no matter how much attention I gave this child, it wasn't enough and needed a lot more affection than I felt I could give. It sounds awful of me, doesn't it? All this kid wanted was a whole bunch of love, but for me, the constant need on his part to hold my hand or sit in my lap, play with my hair, and be by my side constantly ended up irritating me because I felt like I couldn't even breathe sometimes. I'm all for displaying affection, but not 24-7, it just wore me down.
I talked to my caseworker about it because I felt so guilty especially since I was feeling like I didn't like or love my own child. She gave me the best advice I ever got. "Sometimes the one you like/love the least is the one you have to work the hardest with and the one who needs you the most" It just woke me up, making me realize how selfish I was being, and from that day on I worked twice as hard to bond with him. Did special things with him alone, had "mommy & me" outings, and spent a 1/2 hour before bedtime reading a story and just talking with just him and me. And wouldn't you know it, after a couple of months of doing this, getting to know each other better, we developed a special bond. So while I was showing love, I still didn't "feel" that I loved him as much as his siblings but then discovered when a neighbor yelled at him for riding his bike too fast, it brought out all the mother bear feelings and I marched up to that guy's house to give him a piece of my mind. It was then that I realized how much I truly loved my son and nobody was going to messwith my kid. It took 8 months after placement to realize that I really do love him, but I wasn't about to give up on him or even myself.
Yes, he still gets on my nerves sometimes, but everyone does at some point. I get on his nerves too, I'm sure!
Crick
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