Debi...
I agree with you about the power of words. There's a teen in our program--who just happens to be one of the foster kids--who had pushed his two main caregivers to the end of their rope. He was just not responding, and seemed to be getting worse. They were starting to generate some bad press about this kid. I'm their supervisor, and while only viewing their interactions with him peripherally, I knew how much they cared for him and were really just frustrated. I'd had a deep conversation with this kid previously, so I knew his story, and it's a devastating one. I strongly encouraged them to hang in there with him, and we came up with some ideas to further engage him. As a result, he's doing things that are completely amazing, and expressing his hurt through the arts.
While I think the bad press they were generating was defeating, and I would have been so frustrated and angry if it got back to him, I'm nevertheless glad that they got it off their chest, thankfully, privately. If they hadn't, we wouldn't have been able to work it all out together. I came into the conversation without all the stress and emotion they had endured, and because I was removed on some level, was able to help them to make sense of it all. So, I kind of think that it was helpful for that woman in the original thread to just speak out her reality. I'm hoping we all helped her through, and she actually said as much. After all, while these are public forums, I haven't a clue who she is--she could live in Australia or even be a man reallllly going undercover to remain anonymous. I'd rather her get it all out here than to people who might actually bring this up to her child later--like a grandmother or an aunt. None of us will certainly tell him!
By the way, I think she adopted him, or is in the process, but I'm not absolutely sure.... I believe the issue was whether she should disrupt the adoption, not send him to another foster home. But again, I could be off....