[3inCO]

Hi! Welcome. What happens when a baby is born depends on what the birthmom wants. With our first, his birthmom did not choose a family until after his birth and he was in cradle care for six days. We met the birthparents at a restaurant and picked him up later that day. With our second son we were chosen the day before his birth and met her and the baby in the hospital the day after delivery. That hospital was kind of weird, they of course knew what was going on but acted as though we were invisible. With our daughter's birth, we met the birthmom about three weeks before she delivered. While we were not at the delivery, we did talk by phone and went to the hospital several hours after the birth. That hospital was totaly different. The staff was very supportive of the birthmom and her decision and also of us as the babies parents. Of course she made it clear to them that she wanted us included in everything and that we were to be the child's mom and dad.

I think it depends a lot on the hospital staff's individual opinions and experiences with adoption. There is still a lot of ignornace out there about adoption, especially open adoption. It makes many folks feel really uncomfortable.

I think it is important for you to establish what the birthmom thinks she will want as far as your involvement at the hospital before the birth, but also to realize that she may change her mind when it actually happens. It is also so important to make sure that her needs are getting met after the baby is born and that not all of everyone's attention is on the baby. She may also need more time alone with the baby then she thought she would. This can be really scary for you, but I tried to think of it as a time when she was really trying to make sure that this was the right choice and also that this was one of the few times, (and in our son's case the only time) that she would see her baby, and have time with him/her.

Also, I was not prepared the first time for the sadness that I felt. I was overwhelmingly happy to be a mommy at last, but I was pretty naive about how the birtmom's loss would affect me. Anytime such a tremendous gain comes at someone elses tremedous cost, it is not without lots of emotion. I had spent so much time thinking about finally having a family, it was not until it happened that I really, really understood the loss involved for the woman who had to make such a heart wrentching choice.

Good luck with your journey, it is a hard one, but so worth it when you have your baby in your arms!

Becky