[Sharon]

One other point; I have recently read of situations where there are other children (either adopted, foster, or bio) in the home. The foster parents claim to love all the children... with one exception. There is one specific child they do not like.
How can a situation like this be okay for a child? Of course I recognize the necessity of a foster care system, but I almost think in a situation like this the child would be better off in a group shelter, orphanage, or institution of some sort, rather than in a home where all the other children are loved and he is not. I can't imagine the damage this would do to a child's self-esteem, to his very psyche. Better he or she be in a group care situation than THIS... at least then equal treatment would extend to all, all the children would be dealt with by trained workers, and all would be equally "unloved".
What must it feel like to a two-year-old to be the ONLY one the fparents do not love?
Shoshana, I agree that behavior is easier to change than cognition or affect; however, wouldn't the easiest thing TRULY be to remove the cause of the entire conflict? Bottom line (for me): An unloved child belongs in a different home.
I don't understand why people have a DESIRE to foster or adopt a child they don't like/ love? What is the motivation? I have trouble believing it is an entirely altruistic act. After all, if the child is not in that particular home, he'll be in a different one. Children in America are not going to go unfed or unclothed. A foster child in America will have a roof over his head, regardless of whether or not you personally provide it. To me, it seems that the sole reason we HAVE a foster care system here as opposed to an institutional/ orphanage system is so that children can receive love in a family setting, not just the basic necessities of food, clothing and shelter (which an orphanage could provide just as well, and probably at far less expense to taxpayers). If a child in a foster home is not receiving love, that defeats the whole purpose. I see potential aparents posting all over this forum, desperately seeking to adopt and/ or foster children ... older children, sibling groups, minorities, special needs, it doesn't matter. They are waiting for a match... waiting and waiting. Meanwhile, the children they long for so desperately are withering away emotionally in foster homes where no one feels any particular attachment for them. This is wrong!
Last night, I couldn't stop thinking about that "unliked" two-year-old boy who was posted about on the other thread. Last night, he went to bed without a genuine goodnight kiss, without being held, read to, bathed and tucked in by someone who loves him. Tonight will be the same, not just for him, but apparently for many.
~ Shar