I've been increasingly distressed by the number of threads lately from adoptive/foster parents considering disruption because they don't feel they love the child placed with them.
I haven't walked in their shoes so I can't comment on the situations, though as an aside I will say: I used to work in animal welfare and when we placed an adult dog in a new home we told the new owners that it takes as long as 6 months for the dog to feel as if he belongs in the new home. I'm astounded that people think children will adjust faster.
Anyway, the discussion that followed these upsetting posts has gotten me thinking (I know, always dangerous)....
There have been statements made to the effect that "Love can't be faked. If you don't feel it, you can't fake it."
I am of the opinion that one can act in a loving way and not feel love. Indeed, the feeling is irrelevant -- it's the actions that are important. The fact is there are lots of people who believe they love others but who don't act in a loving way.
I happen to think that if one is especially conscious of the fact that they need to be especially loving, to make up for what they lack in feeling, then one's actions will make up for what is not in one's heart.
Maybe I'm a better actress than some people, but I've pretended emotions I haven't felt for long periods. The single best piece of advice I ever got was "If you pretend an emotion long enough, you will eventually feel it."
Ok, tell me how much you disagree!
