DON't GIVE UP!!
HI, been there, done that and I got the T-shirt! We have two adopted children who came to us when they were just 7. They are twins. We have seen all of this behavior.
Our daughter was supposed to be the difficult one but it was the opposite when they got here. Our son behaved terribly. But our daughter just fit right in. Together they were h---- on wheels and they still are that.
I found that I had to keep them separated because they fought viciously. My daughter did not like me at all at first but finally one day when they had been here about four months, we just started laughing at each other and she told me that she was jealous because our son attached to me right away and she thought HE loved me more than her. You see they only really had each other all their lives and then when it came that they were going to have a forever family, she thought she had lost him.
My son is great now - my daughter is still alot of work but I love them both so much I would never think of doing anything but keeping them. We are totally committed to them.
Believe me, have strength - you will feel awful for awhile yet. You will want to send her back. Hold on and keep her and keep going.
Also call your local DFS office right away and have a social worker come over and do a family assessment to provide you with services. They will send someone to your home to counsel her and teach you both how to deal with her. Also make an appointment right away with a PSYCHIATRIST and let him/her know what medications your daughter was on. If you don't want her on medication, she has to be weaned off them gradually.
Finally after my kids had been her two years, my son told me that he acted up in every home he went to because he thought his first foster family who they left when he was 4 1/2 were his real parents and he thought if he acted up, then he would get sent back there. Of course as soon as a social worker would take him to a new placement, he would realize that it wasn't that home he wanted and he would act up again.
These kids DO NOT TELL you what is going on. They don't have the words. They just act out. Inside that little girl is very, very scared and she is fighting with all she has. These are the only survival skills she knows.
I've got to get to bed now but I will write you more later.
Don't give up on this child. Just hold on - these kids are not monsters with machettis and machine guns. They are just little kids and as awful as they can behave, they will come out of it.
Get lots and lots of support for yourselves and your husband and try not to worry too much.
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