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I agree with Lisa. We are in a fully open integrated adoption with our son's bfamily. It has been challenging, heartbreaking, rewarding and amazingly full of love. I wouldn't change a thing, honestly.
I think the biggest struggle in domestic parental placement is to be honest with ourselves as paparents - what level of openness can you handle? It's OK to not have an answer and it's OK for your comfort level to change from situation to situation. What's not OK is to commit to one level of openness, find it uncomfortable (but not endangering) post-placement, then close without explanation after placement. This not only dishonors yourselves but your child too.
For us, fully open was easy. We're a military family, so we've got lots of friends we consider family. I grew up with lots of aunts, uncles, etc. who were not related by 'blood'. We were related by something stronger - love. Not everyone is like us though.
Some great books on open adoption:
The Open Adoption Experience by Lois Molina
Dear Birthmother by Kathleen Silber
Secret Thoughts of An Adoptive Mother by Jana Wolff
Best of luck,
Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas
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Thoughts become Words. Words become Actions. Actions become Character. Character is Everything.
"It will all be OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not the end." - My friend Amy
"As God is my witness," Mr. Carlson insists, "I thought turkeys could fly"
Philly Area AParents Meetup! http://adoption.meetup.com/117/
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