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All things considered I think you are right in your decision. I feel that this is a case where a parent is unfit to have the rights of a parent. Expecially when another person is there and has been the parental role for so long.
I would be collecting everything you need to support your claim before you go to the lawyer. You might even have your daughter write a letter to the court about how she feels. This could save her from having to go to court which in my opinion is not a place for a child.
What you need is a termination of birthdads rights. There are only two-ways your husband will be able to adopt and you have tried the first way. It sounds like you have enough to support the claim he is not fit to be a father and when you speak to the attorney and court you need to use strong language and make your points very clear.
Good Luck
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