Thanks for your advice Anna
Thank you for responding. To answer your first question, he has paid child support. At one time in my life, after our break up, I went on public assistance, and they took him to court for child suppoet. I never asked him for a penny. What they asked him to pay at that time has remained the same all of these years. He only pays $68 every two weeks. Although he later made a lot more money. I never asked for an increase, because I really don't want anything from him. It's as if he doesn't pay anything because they have always automatically taken out of his pay, and because the amount is so small, it has not affected him.
The reason why the visits were supervised is because he had sexually molested my little sister. At that time she was 12 years old. My mom filed charges and he was arrested and my sister was given an order of protection. But then, he begged my Mom not to continue to follow through with the charges, and so my Mom and him agreed that if he stayed away from all of us, that she would not follow the charges through. And he agreed. He kept away, for about 8 months and later asked the courts for visitations, but because I explained to the courts what had happened, they only allowed supervised visits. After several months of having to go to court, he stopped showing for the visitaions and court.
He is not someone who I would want around my child because of what he did to my little sister. I fear that he would do the same to her, because she is around the age that my sister was when he did that to her. I am also afraid of him and who his family is. They are alcholics and drug addicts and in the neighborhood where he still resides, there are drugs being sold, and it is normal to see drug addicts, prostitutes and shootings. I don't want my child exposed to any of that. I've told her, that if and when she changes her mind about getiing to know him, we will support her, if that is what she wants. But her mind is made up and she has no interest whatsoever.
I want to make it clear, that I have never done or said anything to turn my daughter against him. Except for tell her the truth, that he got fresh with my little sister. I've never ever gone into details. That was all she needed to know. Like your ex, he has done it all on his own. My daughter and I went around where he lives two and a half years ago, when she asked me to please ask the courts to allow me to change her last name, and because the courts said that he would need to sign, I took her with me, so that she could speak to him herself and when she saw where he lives, and how he treated me in front of her, and also how his drug addict brother rode up and down the block cursing and and making threats, she was thankful that she didn't grow up around people like that. And begged me never to take her there again, and was thankful that she didn't have to know them.
She not only feels the way that she does, because of that incident, but also, because he is a stranger like any other stranger one crosses in the street. She has never known him, so there is no interest there. She feels that she already has alll that she wants. My husband and her have a very strong father and daughter relationship, so she doesn't feel like there is anyting missing. On the contrary, she gets annoyed when I question her being sure about not wanting to know her biological father. She says that she is sure. That why would she want to know someone like that, that he and his family are crazy. Her exact words.
I respect her decision. She is a very bright girl. I am actually relieved that she feels the way she does, because I am seriously afraid of what his intentions might be after all of these years, and will not live with myself if he were given the opportunity to possibly repeat what he did to my little sister who he knew very well, on his "biological daughter" who he doesn't know at all making it that much easier for him not to even think twice.
Understand now, why we are concerned? I really do hope that the courts consider strongly what she desires, and hopefully dismiss the case, so that we could put this behind us. So, that we may contiinue with our plans to have my husband adopt her, as that is what she has wanted since she understood that her "daddy" was not her biological dad, and that was why she had someone elses last name.
We are actually in the process of looking for a lawyer. We were jus t served with these papers a few days ago.
|